Work, Eat, Sleep, Repeat
I'm feeling rather blue. Possibly due to the fact I've been alone for the past 3 days, until Friday (2 more days to go).
I appreciate having a job in Stornoway, especially how during the Winter month's I was on very few hours.
However, all I seem to do is work, go home, nap, eat, sleep...and repeat on a daily basis! I feel like my life is going nowhere. Whereas, when I was studying I would do all of these things with uni
in the mix, and also socialising.
I literally have a lack of any socialising in my life! I do keep thinking it's the place I live, there's not much to "do" apart from going to pubs. I'm definitely not a drinker, so don't enjoy that aspect of socialising.
Back in Edinburgh, I had quite a nice social life, work life and home life, all due to work itself! I worked with scores of people everyday, also met so many new people every few months due to where I worked. But now, all of this has gone. I keep in touch with a few good people in Edinburgh, and miss them dearly.
I'm not sure what the next step in my life is, I was seriously hoping Korea, but for some reason this seems less and less likely because Korean schools are reluctant to hire non white western people.
Growing up, to now, there is racist heckling from time to time, "go back to where you came from, chinky chin chong..yadayada" ... and now I find out Korean schools won't hire an Asian looking person.
It's one of the reasons why I resent the fact I am Chinese. I've thought this all my life, I shouldn't, but I do.
Everyone keeps badgering me to "get a job in my field". How?! Don't you think I have tried and still trying?! I am sick and tired of being asked, and getting told.
I don't want to waitress all my life, but a Science job seems so far from my reach. The rejections from so many job applications has made me stop trying. Even though I have a BSc and an MSc. It means nothing these days.
I don't want to do a teaching post graduate, as it means I will have to spend another year studying. I'm not confident doing presentations and public speaking, so I don't think I will be good enough. I don't think I am good at anything.
I honestly don't know how to lift my spirits. I know a lot of other people are in worse situations, and feeling worse than I do. I should feel lucky, and appreciate what I do have!
I guess, 'till next time