Cause you never think that the last time is the last time. You think there will be more. You think you have forever, but you don't.
Spend as much time with loved ones when you get the chance to, because one day they will leave and you will regret not spending time with them. Being so far away means you miss important events like weddings, births, general life's gossip and also deaths. There are so many things you miss when you don't live in the same country. Don't get me wrong, living away from home, in a different country is amazing, and such a great experience. However, you end up missing those little and big events.
This week was a hard one for me. A lovely, special, kind, generous man left this world the other day and I missed it. I didn't even get to say goodbye because I'm not in the country. I could have left on a plane, but my anxiety takes over and I worry about my job, having to find someone to cover and of course money. I wish I was that kind of person who could just up and leave without worrying about the consequences.
Luckily, technology these days allow us to video call home, so if you do miss those special events, you could just video call and watch from afar. It's not the same as being there in person, but it does mean that you can spend a small part of your time with them.
I don't speak Cantonese, so I find it hard to communicate if there's no-one else there who can speak it. Even in Hakka (Another Chinese Dialect that I grew up with). However, I do wish I tried to learn as a kid and I wish I kept speaking Hakka. I can't converse with both my Grandmothers and always need my Mum to translate for me. I did try one time, with my father's Mum but it was difficult. I've forgotten almost everything. What's weird is that I can understand almost everything they say, I just have no idea how to respond. Maybe it's just a mind block and I'm worried that I'd get words or sentences wrong. Anyways....
My Great Uncle who I call Gung Gung, Grandpa in Cantonese passed away the other day. I called him Gung Gung because he was like a Grandpa to me. He was the most generous and kindest man I know. I remember how he helped so many people, and was always so generous. The sad thing is, I regret not spending a lot of time with him. My priorities weren't in the right places when I was younger, even now. I would only visit him when my mother did, or when family came over and we spent time together.
He was a funny guy, and I remember how he would always joke that I kept changing boyfriends. I was a teenager and we would often bump into each other in town. Each time it was with someone different. Most of them were just friends though, but thinking back, it's hilarious how Gung Gung would always joke about it.
I feel so sad at the moment. We were never close, but his death has hit me like a ton of bricks. I've not had to deal with deaths apart from my real grandad (dad's side) when I was about 7/8. I guess it's the feeling of not having spent a lot of time with him, and that I won't be able to see his smiling face ever again.
Gung Gung was a lucky man, he was loved by everybody. I'm happy that my uncle Martin and aunty Karen spent the last days with him, and other people too. He left this world knowing that he was loved.
I love you 我愛你, Rest in Peace Gung Gung. See you on the other side!